So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
