note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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