I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
