found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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