I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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