Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
