you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my moral compass just broke
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
