can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
