also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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