Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
