I wish I could teleport
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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