I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
