Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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