yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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