I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
