im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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