What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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