dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
