I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
there is glitter all over my balls
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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