I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
