So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
