I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
