No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
