Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
