this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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