Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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