i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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