we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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