If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize