Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
