im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your cock deserves a montage
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
