I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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