I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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