Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
