I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
