Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
