There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
