So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
