We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
