I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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