i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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