Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
