oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
