NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
