no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
