new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
