I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
