and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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