you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize