The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
