If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you will always have a special place in my vag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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