can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
