sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize