is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
