I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
