Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
