did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
