The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
