I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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