make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
