i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
