Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
